Attitude is everything

I received the most wonderful and surprising phone call today.

Two of our Irish members have got together and the lady in question called to tell us how very happy she was and how without us they would never ever have met. It was surprising news because the man she’s met had been one of our most vocally unhappy men, he’d done nothing but complain all through his membership and after he’d been exceptionally rude and called our service a “complete joke” I had finally sent him an email which contained the following words: 

I don’t think our service nor the considerable number of women we’ve sent you is a joke. You seem to do nothing but complain – maybe that’s why you are so unsuccessful at finding someone. We’ll continue to support you, but I suggest you have a think about how you come across to others.”

I don’t often write such harsh words – but perhaps it made him think a bit – not least in how he treats others – because we suspect he was as miserable to other members as he was to us.

I’ve said this before but if you spend your time complaining to others about anything, it’s unlikely that you will be seen as attractive to them – and you’ll most likely stay on your own – as no-one likes someone who complains.

Needless to say, we’re so thrilled for these two members – and we always like it when someone’s experience is turned around so dramatically as this.

As Sarah says, “it only takes one” and how very true this is.


I was driving to work recently and had the radio playing. A beautiful piece of classical music was being played. A thought came to me that that music was born out of a huge amount of hard work, dedication and perseverance by the pianist. They didn’t decide one day to play the piano and play like that. More likely they’d done at least 10,000 hours’ worth of practice (I’m presuming you’re familiar with the 10,000 hours theory).

You know it’s not so much different in dating. You decide you want to be with someone. Well, let me tell you it’s likely to be hard work to create something so very beautiful as a worthwhile relationship that will stand the test of time. OK, maybe not 10,000 hours, but think hard work and many hours. So many people seem to think dating will be easy and quick.

Great piano playing isn’t easy – and there are many hard moments there too. Dating isn’t either, even for the lady at the beginning of this article. Although she met her man in her first set of profiles – she’s no doubt been on quite a journey before joining us – and probably had done some work on her own life/attitudes/appearance/faith/interests etc.

It’s something to reflect on anyway. Next time you hear a beautiful piece of music perhaps you can think about the effort that went into it – and consider if you’re making the same amount of effort to find and create your own beautiful relationship.