Be focused. What you focus on makes a difference to what happens

I’ve been running friends1st for quite a few years now and up until two years ago not much had changed with the way we operated. However about two years ago I joined a local business club and I’ve been picking up some very valuable lessons – quite a few of which are relevant to dating – and there’s one especially I want to share with you this month.

It’s called ‘Doing Your 90 Minutes’ and if you’ll bear with me whilst I explain what it is I’ll then share with you how you can apply it successfully to your dating journey.

Essentially in a business context ‘doing your 90 minutes’ is setting aside 90 minutes every day to do the things that are most important to growing your business. So in my case that might be writing and designing a letter to go to people who’ve enquired to us before but haven’t joined. This is a job I spent quite a few ‘90 minute’ sessions on recently and many of you joined as a result of that letter. New members are essential to my business and without them my business won’t grow. So this was a very worthy use of my 90 minute slot. Now in this 90 minute session, nothing is allowed to interrupt me. It’s totally sacrosanct time. So no telephone calls are made or received (which by the way is why you can’t get hold of us before 10.30am – it’s not that we’re not here – it’s just that we’re in our ‘90 minutes’); no emails are read; mobile phones and tablets are all switched off; no staff are allowed to interrupt and certainly no visitors are admitted. It’s a golden rule and it’s strictly enforced because as soon as I allow an interruption, my concentration goes and my productivity diminishes massively.

It’s a golden rule and it’s strictly enforced

Do you know it’s amazing what can be achieved in 90 minutes and if one does the ‘90 minutes’ each day, some incredible things can get achieved – which quite honestly probably wouldn’t get achieved without such clear focus.

It is really true that what you focus on gets done – and it doesn’t matter if that is in your work life or at home. The ‘90 minutes’ gives real focus without any of those time vampires distracting us, like facebook, that suck up our time.

What you focus on gets done

Now doing this ‘90 minutes’ takes real discipline. It’s SO much easier to spend time reading emails, or answering phone messages or a hundred other things that need to be done in the office – and this is really important – are really important jobs to be done. It’s just that when I’ve chosen what I’m going to do in my ‘90 minutes’ then that is what I do and NOTHING else.

If you’ve been around friends1st for anytime over the past 18 months you’ll have seen all sorts of changes. Loads of new services have been offered, big changes have been made to our website, new products have been offered, lots of videos have been produced, and whole new systems have been introduced and used. None of that would have happened without my ‘90 minute’ sessions and quite honestly I can say we’re a very different organisation from the one we were 18 months ago – and there are all sorts of ways of seeing that.

Now I’m really clear that there are lots of things in my life that I really want to do – but for some reason some of them just aren’t happening. For example as a school governor there’s a mass of information to read, learn and absorb, there’s training to go on and there are meetings to attend. Despite having the best will in the world I’m just not getting round to doing much beyond attending the meetings ….. and the reason for that is because I just haven’t clearly allocated a specific and regular time in my diary when I’m going to do this work. Just hoping and intending I’m going to do this work isn’t making it happen.  And basically until I’m purposeful about it, and set aside some diarised time – i.e. I make an appointment with myself in my diary, it’s probably never going to happen. Could it be the same in your personal life?

So what’s all this got to do with dating do I hear you ask?  Well actually it’s very relevant.  Good intentions about getting some decent photographs of yourself taken, making sure your profile is as good as it can be, booking onto events and, most importantly, making contact with others aren’t enough to make any of these things happen. Yes, you’d like to meet someone and, yes, you know you’ve got to put some effort in, like making some phone calls or writing some letters, but somehow others things always get in the way.  We all lead busy lives.  Food has always to be prepared, the house cleaned, the paper read, calls to friends made, organisation of this that or the other to be done, church to be attended etc. etc.  the list is endless but to be honest …. a quieter day is NOT coming.

And thus before you know it months have flown by and you’ve not made much progress towards your goal – that thing that motivated you to join friends1st in the first place. Your still single and still on your own.

But there’s one way to combat this – and it’s by ‘doing your 90 minutes’. 

Set aside one, maybe two, even three slots of 90 minutes each week to focus entirely and uninterruptedly on your friends1st membership. Let everyone around you know that is time you can’t be interrupted. You don’t have to tell them what you are doing – they just need to know that you can’t be interrupted – unless the building is on fire! This is time for you do get done what you know you have to do, but sometimes just aren’t getting round to.  This is time now to read through others’ profiles and make notes on each person. Start deciding who you’re going to contact. Draft or polish letters to other members. Make phone calls to those members you’re interested in (and maybe some you’re not!). Time to look at your profile – is it eye catching enough – are your photographs really good? Time to do some background reading – perhaps another read through of our Top Tips book or the Dating Masterclass if you have it – and definitely time to read a chapter of the ‘Finding Someone Special product’.

What you’ll find if you consciously do this – and do it in the way I’ve described – i.e. with no interruptions, is that you’ll start to make great progress with your membership and really start to see results.

I promise you that. I do it myself and I know it works. I also know a huge number of people who do their ’90 minutes’ and all of them report the same great results.

Give it a try and you’ll be amazed at the difference.

Oh and of course you don’t just have to apply this to dating. It’s a great tool in many aspects of life – personal or work.