Communicating with other members on our app

 Occasionally members give us permission to log onto our app as them to help them with something they need assistance with. I did this last month and was shocked to see some of the messages they’d received from other members.

Not that these messages were bad, offensive or inappropriate I’m glad to say. No it was just that they were messages that were rather inadequate, pathetic and not fitting for the organisation we aim to be.

Let me be clear here. Friendsfirst is not an online dating site where you can WAVE, or SMILE at someone. In my book that’s crass and certainly doesn’t help you start a meaningful connection with someone. You might do that at church or in a bar – well you might – I probably wouldn’t – but if I did, I don’t think I’d expect a great response. Doing it online is just ridiculous!

In the same vain, just sending a short message along the lines of “Hi I saw your profile, get back to me” or “Hi, shall we talk?” or “Hi I haven’t been on here long, have you?” or anything similar that is short and totally unconnected to the person you’re writing to, is quite simply unacceptable.

Now we’re not policing – or even looking at the chat between members. You’ll be glad to hear that we don’t have the facility to do this (unless you give us the permission to log in as you) but having seen it once – my guess is lots of members are ‘chatting’ in this way. 

If you want to chat like that – ie totally superficially, without showing ANY true interest in the other person, then I’ll be surprised if you are getting much response. And I wouldn’t blame the other member for not responding.

Yes that sort of interaction is encouraged on other sites – but we don’t want to be like other sites. Here, we are Christians – family if you like – even if you don’t know one another yet. So treat each other with respect – and kindness. That means giving other members TIME – your time to craft a decent first communication – that acknowledges that you actually have read their profile and know something about them and are in some way interested in them for who they are. Be human. Be decent. Be loving.  Yes it will take time and effort – but I assure you if everyone acted that way, a lot more people would be successful at finding their soul mate – and a lot less people would bemoan their dating experiences.

Ever heard the phrase “treat others as you’d like to be treated”? How do you feel when you get an impersonal one liner “hi fancy chatting on here”? Not great I imagine – so please DON’T do it on our app. There are plenty of other sites you can casually chat on – we don’t welcome it here.

Yes this is a strict message from us. Why? Because we care about the dating experience people have with friendsfirst. As we said a couple of issues ago, we want friendsfirst to be known as a truly Christian organisation – where people comment on how well the members treat each other. And that means how you communicate, chat, text, email, phone etc.  You joined us because you were Christian right? Because you were looking for someone to share your faith with right? So let’s try and live the virtues of that faith – LOVING one another whoever they are – and not just the people you want to fall in love with!!!