Dating Advice
How constantly comparing yourself to others who are more beautiful, successful, popular only harms you and stops you reaching your goal. Here’s my advice…
We speak to a number of people on the telephone who seem to think that, compared to all the other people ‘out there’, no-one will want to meet them. This opinion obviously stems from a lack of self esteem which in part is a result of that person looking at themselves in comparison to other people and deciding they don’t match up.
Indeed, many of us are unable to see ourselves apart from how we compare with others.
We think others are more attractive, more sporty, more intelligent, richer or more capable than we are. And yes, that is often true – but it’s totally and utterly irrelevant and totally unhelpful in our quest to find new friends.
Comparing ourselves to others the whole time is a very destructive habit and the sooner you realise this, and stop yourself doing it, the sooner you will reach the goal you desire.
Moreover, thinking in this way is generally a total waste of time because this sort of comparison rarely leads us to action that enables us to change. It generally just leads us to feeling bad about ourselves as if we don’t come up to some sort of standard. And feeling bad about yourself is not what you need to be thinking when you are hoping to make new friends and find someone special.
Now the truly important truth is this. God has made you uniquely you. He didn’t make you as a comparison to anyone else – he made you just exactly as he wanted you. Yes, let me repeat that…. He made you exactly as he wanted you. When you get to heaven and you’re both looking over your life He’s not going to be comparing you with anyone else. No, he’s going to be focusing 100% on you and the wonderful person you are. So, if that’s what God is going to be doing, don’t you think you should follow suit and do it yourself here and now.
God has made you uniquely you. He made you exactly as he wanted you
Stop comparing yourself to anyone else – whether that’s family members or friends, work colleagues or even famous people. You are you, and the sooner you focus on yourself and forget comparing yourself with others the better.
Comparing yourself to others in a way that does yourself down is going to affect the way you project yourself to others – and it won’t be a positive projection! Thinking in your head that you’re not going to be contacted by anyone because there’s probably someone better/nicer/richer out there is just rubbish. You are you, and you – in all your uniqueness – is just what someone else is looking for.
Let me make this really personal. When I was single and looking around for my soul mate, there were plenty of people that were richer, more successful, thinner and sportier than the man I ended up marrying. But I ended up marrying him because of who he uniquely was not because he was the richest, sportiest, thinnest and most successful man I could find.
But I ended up marrying him because of who he uniquely was, not because he was the richest, sportiest, thinnest and most successful man I could find.
Having said all that, if you are comparing yourself with others in a way that leads to positive action on your part, then that’s OK. If you think someone else is kinder than you and that you’d like to mirror that trait, then this sort of comparison that leads to positive action would be good. Perhaps you have a friend who is more generous with their time or money than you – and thinking about them, leads you to decide that you’ll be more generous. Again, this is good – but it’s good because it’s very specific and it leads to action on your part.
But always watch your thoughts – where your comparison leads to putting yourself down, then make sure you switch your thoughts to something else as soon as you find yourself doing this.
As you read people’s profiles from now on, watch the thoughts that are going through your mind – about what you think they’d think of you. Train yourself to think positively – like how lucky the person would be if you got in touch with them and how much you’ll be able to bring to the friendship. This is not arrogance – it’s just the true realisation of the unique and wonderful person you are.