People who are comfortable in their own skin are very attractive to others. There’s an integrity about them that is appealing – compared to other people who are always trying to be or look like someone else. You can probably think of people you know – those who seem comfortable with who they are and those who are always trying to be someone else. Chances are you feel more comfortable around the former.

So what impression do you give off to others around you? That will depend on how comfortable you are with who you are. When you are attempting to meet and be attractive to new people, projecting yourself well is really important.
This isn’t a matter of faking who you are, or puffing yourself up, thinking you are God’s gift to men/women – we’ve all come across people like that and they are a real turn off. No it’s recognising the unique gifts, talents and character that God has given you and being quietly thankful for these things.

Why should someone be interested in you as opposed to all the many hundreds of other people that are around and looking for someone special?

Well obviously, it’s because you are absolutely unique and wonderful in your own very special way.

However for many people and possibly you too, you don’t think this way and consequently you are hiding your unique special ness and it’s not coming out to the full. There’s a high chance that you don’t even recognise how unique and special you are. We’re not talking false pride and arrogance here – we’re talking true humility – one that recognises that God created you – that he doesn’t make rubbish and that he only made one of you – and that one is very special.

If you don’t see this – and project it in a humble confident way – do you think anyone else will? No they probably won’t – or at least they’ll see someone else first and miss you.

What we’re talking about here is essentially self esteem – and having a good self esteem is absolutely critical to your dating experience and your relationship future.

You have got to get into a position whereby you truly know that you are a great catch and that someone is going to be really lucky to be in your company. Remember this is not arrogance – it’s just seeing yourself as God sees you. There really is only one of you. You are utterly unique – there will never be anyone quite like you ever again and this is a wondrous thought when you truly let it sink in.

Take some time to sit down quietly and think about yourself. Think about yourself just as yourself – not in comparison to anyone else! No doubt you’ll think of some the of negative sides of your character. That’s OK but don’t let these thoughts pull you down into a place of thinking you are no good. Focus your thoughts on your positives.

You may think that the thoughts in your head of yourself are private to you, but actually affect the way you interact with others and how others see you. That is why failing to think good thoughts about yourself is so damaging to your ability to make new friends and find a soul mate.

There are many other things you can do to improve your self esteem and if yours is Iow or needs improving then one of the best things you can do for your dating future, is to work on improving it. This is not a quick fix – it will take some time but it’ll be an investment that will be well worth it and one that will pay out great big dividends.  Don’t kid yourself that your self esteem will improve once you find a partner. This is one of the biggest mistakes that single people make. It simply doesn’t work that way however much a partner loves and appreciates you. Self esteem comes from the inside – and in fact, entering a relationship with low self esteem can be very destructive for that relationship itself.

In the short term here’s what you can do:

Take some time out of your day and sit down with a pen and paper.

Think long and hard and write down fifty things you like about yourself.

At first, fifty individual things may seem like a very long list and you will think you will never be able to come up with that many reasons.  However, the task is to sit there and spend as long as it takes until you really cannot think of any more.  You can then leave the list and return to add other items as they reveal themselves to you.

For example, you may list down:

•    I listen to other people’s problems
•    I make other people laugh
•    I am always on time
•    I care about animals

And so on.  The full list may take a while to build but keep going until you have at least fifty positive things about you and your character.

Now once you have your list, review it and take the top three things that you most like about yourself and that most define you. Write these things down in a prominent place where you will see them regularly and use them as a reminder as to your uniqueness and specialness.

Think about these three things as you go about your daily life and as you meet other people, and particularly think about them every time a negative thought about yourself comes into your mind. Use these three things to feel good about yourself.

Making this list doesn’t have to be difficult or time consuming but if you have a  low self esteem that is affecting how you are interacting with others, then making it and using it is essential to getting you to a position where you are thinking positively about yourself and allowing others to see the wonderful you that you really are.

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