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I promise you it’s true.

The biggest truth you’ll ever hear about dating success is that it’s not numbers, the choice, the best app or site, your background, or any other external factor that will determine or define your success.

It’s how you think.

There’s a really good reason why less than 3% of people who date get married.

If you spend just a short amount of time in the company of many people who’ve been successful in finding their soul mate, what you quickly come to appreciate is that they do have a very different view of the dating compared to the majority of others.

When it comes to thinking we get to choose.  Good thinking or bad lazy, same-as-everyone-else thinking.

The truth is most people dating unwittingly cling to their usual methods and continue to struggle.

They don’t do that consciously of course.

In most cases they don’t even know they’re doing it. They’re oblivious as to the cause.

They don’t understand or appreciate how their existing belief systems and the thinking that they trigger, maintain the perpetual frustration and misery of their current results.

It has been fascinating over the years reading the stories of so many of our couples now married. What is different about them?  

It’s their thinking as a result of the inputs they’ve had.

It is a stonewall fact that if you want your life – to be something different from what it is currently, then you’re going to have to let go of how you’re currently thinking.

What’s going on in your head is stopping you make progress.

Think about that or a second.

The reality is that you get this…. or you don’t.

Just like you either get the success it brings, or you don’t.

Take the story of Nina who married Steve on 27th July

By thinking just a little bit differently to everyone else Nina found success where most other members would have found disappointment. And I’m not talking about Steve per se here (he’s a lovely bloke)

By implementing a handful of the methods and techniques that she learnt whilst she was a member everything changed for her.

Just like my old tennis coach Joanee used to say:

Simple things, done well, look good’.

As a twelve year old girl I used to hate the drills that she used to make us do time after time at the beginning and end of every training session.  But he coached us to great success – because we thought differently to all the other teams whose training consisted of playing matches and shooting practice.

But most of us don’t do dating well.

What I’ve learned is that, as humans, our natural instincts are to judge others by their behaviours but ourselves by intention.

Thinking can fix this.

It’s almost a physical thing to step into the shoes of your another member and see their life from their perspective.

It’s not easy. But the rewards can be significant.

You see Nina wasn’t going to accept her first superficial judgement of Steve. We’d advised her not to and after thinking hard about it (and her years of failed dating) she took the advice to heart and acted on.

But too many people dating – and sadly that includes Christians –  only ever think at a superficial level.

They’re not curious, like Ted Lasso! (May 2021 edition Cloud9)

And that’s mainly because it’s just easier not to think properly.

It requires no effort.

Thinking superficially, not being curious, is way, way easier than the difficult to do, brain-throbbing, contemplation that finds the big shifts.

But boy oh boy it comes at a big price.

By staying superficial you miss out on the big benefits and game changing life that is available when you think deeply.

So let me ask you?

How’s you ‘Thinkmeter’ looking this month?

It’s easy for all of us to get in a rut. To go through life unconsciously. Not thinking.

But the difference between a rut and grave is depth.

And thinking stops that happening…

Have a thoughtful month.