Is the ‘distance issue’ causing you to miss out?
Many members tell us that they haven’t contacted many of the people we’ve sent them because “they live too far away”. Now, although we totally understand the sentiment behind this thinking, it is leading large numbers of you to miss out on finding that special someone that you joined friendsfirst for. Bear with me here as I explain our reasons for trying so hard to encourage you to contact those very people.
No-one in their right minds would travel 50, 100 or 200 miles to meet someone they didn’t know or have any vested interest in. Travel these days is expensive and time consuming – and if there isn’t a good incentive to do it, other things will quickly take priority.
But just look at what has happened (in normal times) at Christmas. Millions of people cross the country, travel miles by car, train or bus and spend quite a lot of money going to visit their loved ones over the holiday period. Most will NOT have counted the cost or time involved – their desire to see their families and spend time with people they love is far greater than the financial hit on their pockets. The motivation to travel and see far flung relatives or friends is there because of the depth of relationship and joy to be had at the other end.
Now obviously you don’t have this motivation with someone you don’t know. And we definitely would not suggest you drive miles and miles to meet someone you don’t know. Why would you do that?
But just because someone lives hundreds of miles from you doesn’t mean that you can’t or shouldn’t contact them by phone, letter or email.
Now I hear you say “But what’s the point…. They live so far away.” Which brings me back to everyone travelling at Christmas time or other times of the year to visit special friends. You visit people you love.
We definitely would not suggest you drive miles and miles to meet someone you don’t know.
How can you know if you even like someone (let alone if you are going to love them) if you haven’t even had one bit of contact with them. You CAN’T.
The point is if you don’t contact other members (who live far away from you) you will NEVER know if they are someone that you could get on with, have great fun with, and even fall in love with.
Most people we talk to, think of distance first – they don’t think of relationship. If you put a great relationship first in your thinking, then the distance issue fades. You have to trust me on this one – I know I’m right because a huge number of our members who’ve got married have NOT married someone who lived really locally to them – and most of them were like you to begin with, they didn’t want to consider someone who lived far from them.
The point of making contact with as many as possible of the people that we send you is to ascertain whether or not you are going to get on. You will not get on with everyone – so the phone call to someone who lives 100s of miles away from you will give you a first indication of that. Perhaps in that phone call you discover you really don’t have anything in common and have found the conversation difficult. Now that’s a result – because now you know for sure that you are not going to visit them.
But there will be conversations with people that delight and surprise you – one conversation will lead to another, then another and before you know it, this person who lives a long way away is no longer a stranger but has become a friend. This is someone who makes you laugh, who makes you feel good about yourself and who has brought a sparkle into your life. Now your feelings about visiting them WILL have changed.
If you put a great relationship first in your thinking, then the distance issue fades.
So, by not even starting the conversation with someone who lives a long way from you, you are saying that you would definitely rather be on your own, than make any effort to find someone who’d make you happy, purely for a short-term issue of distance!
Think hard about that – because it is what you are saying.
And trust me it is a short-term issue – once people meet – and discover they are right for each other – they have generally tied the knot within 18 months.
OK so now I hear you say, “But I don’t want to move if I get married, I’m too settled here.” Do you truly mean this? Because if you do, you need to think hard about why you joined friendsfirst. Most couples who get married both move and the chances are that if you meet someone you will move too. However much you love your current house or area, once you fall in love, you probably WILL want to move. Well that’s been the experience of all the hundreds of people who’ve got married through us – and most of them said the same sort of things as you are thinking now.
Dorothy (one of our members who moved to Ireland!) is an extreme example of what I’m talking about. There is no way she’d have imagined moving, – not at her age (in her 70s) – and certainly not across the water – way away from her home – to a completely new land. But when she met and fell in love with George that’s what happened.
There are far, far bigger issues to face and deal with when you meet someone new. Distance becomes the least of them I assure you – but if you let it be your number one criteria in deciding whether to contact another member, you’ll never find out if they could have been the one for you.
There are far bigger issues to face and deal with when you meet someone new. Distance becomes the least of them I assure you – but if you let it be your number one criteria in deciding whether to contact another member, you’ll never find out if they could have been the one for you.
So please take this message to heart. Try very, very hard not to look at where someone lives when you are deciding whether to contact them. Contact them anyway – and let the friendship that does or doesn’t develop be the deciding factor as to whether you’ll visit them or not.