15 ways men and women date differently, and tips for both
Most people have heard of the book “Men are from Mars; women are from Venus” which humorously details how different men and women are. In our household it’s a well-known joke that I come from Venus and how very different things are there! I have also seen this from 23 years of working at friends1st. Here are some of the things I’ve noticed with tips to help you understand the opposite sex.
1. Women tell everyone
Women are much more likely to share their dating story with others. From beginning to end it’s a often a constant conversation topic. Regarding dates, whether the date has gone well or not, women like to tell their friends about it. Friends, family and colleagues will go through the date from start to finish: from the pre-date anxiety and what to wear, to the post-date debrief. Women are usually happy to reveal more personal information than men and will likely go into every detail, from his shoes to the number of drinks they had and how she felt about the whole thing.
If the date has gone well, women want to show off and, if the date didn’t live up to expectations, they seek validation from their friends that he was the problem, not them. Men, on the other hand, may keep their cards much closer to their chests. They don’t want to be made fun of for being too keen by their friends.
2. Women want men to take the lead
Although equality is important in every relationship, women secretly hark after traditional values and want a man to show his assertiveness. When speaking before the date, men should try to ascertain what sort of woman he will be dating – does she prefer going for a drink or would a country walk be better. If unsure, I always recommend members to stick to classic location such as a neutral coffee store but with some thought put into it. Women like to be impressed and it’ll help if you can stand out in this way.
3. Women overanalyse
Women read into everything. They analyse the smallest remark and comment made by their date to work out how they feel about them, or if they’re actually interested. Women will break down everything from the amount of time it takes for man to reply to their message, to how he said goodbye on the date.
Men don’t think in this way and won’t be agonising over what messages to send and when. Women need to remember that a man’s text is not a good indicator of how he is feeling and men need consider women’s penchant for overanalyses when contacting them. Although it might seem outdated in the modern world, to stop any confusion, I suggest men pick up the phone and have a conversation instead – women will appreciate the extra effort and men get to avoid texting back and forth.
4. Women stress about the small stuff
Women’s analysis doesn’t stop with texting, they will even go as far to consider the food and drink choices they make on a date. Women will worry about whether a drinks date actually means drinks, or will it progress to food? What drink to order? What food to eat? How the bill should be split? To help women out, men should take some of the stress out of the situation by choosing the wine, instigating whether to have food early on and offering to pay the bill (at least on the first date).
5. Women want a second date booked in asap
As mentioned above women are often more anxious than men, particularly when it comes to dating. Women will expect men to suggest a second date straight after the first date if the evening has gone well. If this hasn’t been arranged or suggested quickly, women will worry that the guy didn’t actually like them and will get disheartened. From a man’s point of view, they do not see the urgency in arranging a second date – they prefer to wait and play it cool so they don’t come across too keen.
6. Women are more honest
Men typically hold their cards much closer to their chest and never outwardly offend their date, whereas women are more likely to be honest. It’s not unusual that we hear very different feedback about the same date often with the woman saying it was OK but she’s unlikely to want to see the man again, with the man saying he thought it went well and they are likely to meet again!
7. Men like women to make the first move
Although men like to show they are in charge, they admit that being approached by a woman can be very attractive. If a woman asks a man out for a drink or for his number, this suggests that she is head-strong and self-assured. These are desirable qualities a man looks for in his life partner. Mixing things up can be exciting and more often than not, a man will respect a woman who has the confidence to make the first move.
8. Men don’t like over eagerness
Despite men wanting a headstrong woman, there is a difference between confidence and eagerness. If a man wants something, he will go out and get it, so constantly barraging them over text, introducing them to friends too early on and discussing marriage and children might make them run a mile. Women do actually share a similar thought process on keenness. If a man is confessing his undying love by date two, he no longer comes across as manly and is much less desirable. A lesson for both men and women then: play it slightly cool to maintain attention.
9. Men need the message loud and clear
Men do not overanalyse dates, body language or text talk. This can leave men feeling very confused as to whether a woman actually likes them – no matter how much flirting and hair twirling goes on. To have the confidence to ask women out on a second date, men need things spelling out to them. A simple message which lets the man know the woman has had a nice time does wonders for a man’s ego.
10. Men love the chase
Men attach value to something they perceive as difficult. Whether that’s a step up the career ladder, a new watch or a woman they perceive wouldn’t be interested in them. If a woman is perceived as unattainable, there is a certain challenge associated with finally winning her over, which taps into a man’s primal instincts. Men are goal focused and so perceive wooing a woman as accomplishing a goal.
11. Men keep their options open
Men are more prone to keeping their options open, potentially courting more than one person at once (in the early stages) and keeping an eye out for future options. This actually disguises an underlying vulnerability in the male sex; although keeping a couple of women as potential options might come across as disrespectful and “player-like”, men fear their pride will be wounded if they invest all their energy into one woman who might call things off.
13. Men are shyer
Last week I was discussing with a man the nervousness of a friend of his who is also a member. The friend is a bundle of nerves and really struggling to contact anyone. So, when you’re not contacted by a man, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t like the look of your profile – he might just be too nervous to make the first move. And this doesn’t necessarily mean he isn’t the strong man you’re looking for – it just means he’s nervous of this step in the journey.
14. Both sexes are as picky as each other
Some of the requests I receive can be very outlandish and specific. Recently I spoke to a man who wanted to find a five-foot-five blonde woman, aged 28, who must earn ten per cent less than him (so she’s successful but not as successful as he is) and who knows the difference between a deep backward square and third man in cricket.
Women can be equally picky. Yesterday I met two women, one who wants the stereotypical, tall, dark and handsome man, and the other who is determined to get engaged in Bora Bora – so much so that she would bring it up on the first date. I carefully advised the second woman that this wasn’t the best first impression.
15. Both genders get anxious before a date
Although men and women are very different, it’s very common for both sexes to feel nervous and anxious before a first date. Bear this in mind and don’t think you’re the only one with nerves. It could even be a good ice breaker to discuss how you’ve been feeling before the date.