A close friend of mine has finally decided to buy a horse. Her experience has reminded me so much of the dating journey….it’s been interesting to see the ups and downs she’s faced and how she is managing, but also to see how having a friend standing with her in this process has made all the difference. Read on thinking about your own dating journey and what you can learn from this.

Firstly, although she really wants a horse, the thought of the process of trying to find one is so off putting that she almost hasn’t bothered! It’s likely to take a lot of time, quite a lot of money, a significant emotional investment and may not lead to the desired end result (Sound familiar?). I have had to keep reminding her that the end result is worth the difficult journey – but I think without my support, she may have just not bothered.

Horses are almost never what they are advertised as (sound familiar?) so one has to be savvy with the questions one asks when ringing up about them. You must never assume that what’s in the advert is really what the horse is like. So, there’s lot of time spent searching the ads (on different sites) and then making phone calls to find out more. It’s very time consuming, and of course it’s an emotional roller coaster – because as soon as you find a horse you think you like the look of – you can’t help imagining it in your stable and the life you’re going to have with it. She’s done a considerable amount of looking herself, but I’ve also been able to help here – and at times found horses for her to consider that she hadn’t seen.

Then she’s travelled halfway up (or down) the country to see said horse – only to discover it’s lame, larger than advertised, a different breed than advertised, or bucks her off when first sat on. (Think of the first dates you’ve been on – and perhaps this again sounds familiar!) After each failed visit, I’ve had to encourage my friend to keep looking, not to give up, to remember the goal, and particularly to remember that time is short – and running away with us fast and that she needs to keep making this a priority.

And then all of a sudden, she finds a horse she likes. Of course, there’s endless discussions with friends and relatives and other knowledgeable people about the horse – including asking for their opinions about it. Everyone does have an opinion, and they are often different.

Once again, I’ve tried to be a useful sounding board for my friend – endlessly letting her discuss the potential horse with me – looking at its attributes and drawbacks (because no horse is perfect like no partner is perfect) from every angle. Since I’m not the one buying the horse, I’ve been able to give her an objective opinion – and this is so important because as I’ve written before, once you are emotionally involved in a decision, it’s very hard to see the decision objectively.

She hasn’t bought the horse yet, but I hope she’s close. Maybe she is, maybe she isn’t, but either way I know I’ll be there to support her for however long it takes. And I know this is so important, because I know it’s a goal she really wants to achieve, and I also know it’d be relatively easy for her to give up reaching her goal.

I think my main point here is that having a friend to walk alongside you in your dating journey can make a huge difference – in fact it’s almost critical. And if you haven’t got a friend, then you know you have us! That’s what we’re here for. When you need picking up to keep going because the whole process feels too daunting; or when you’ve found someone, and you want to discuss your feelings about them……. a friend makes all the difference. If you aren’t using us in this way or you haven’t got a close friend who’s there for you, then either make more use of us, or find someone you can confide in and who can be there for you. It might be just the difference between your finding someone or staying on your own.

I hope this is useful food for thought as ever.