other half

Are you really looking for your other half?

Guest Article by Elaine Ward

Couples often refer to their husband or wife as their “ other half ” thus compounding the belief that a couple comprise of two halves making a whole. Where does this belief come from?

In Plato’s Symposium Aristophanes refers to a being named Androgynous, a four legged, four armed being with two identical faces. It was powerful and unruly so Zeus cut it in two. After which they longed for the other half and searched for it: when they found it they held tightly to it and would not let go.

It is a myth, but a story that still seems to affect us today. Some people feel that there is just one other person, their “other half” that will perfectly fit them, thus leading to a desperate search for “the one” and maybe leading them to discount many others along the way.

This belief is also a problem for those who are widowed or divorced, resulting in them questioning: “have they used up their one chance to be with the half that would match them?” This also leads us to view ourselves as half of a whole, leaving single people seemingly diminished or incomplete. I would contest however that unless we as single people are whole, healed, complete in ourselves: we are not ready to marry someone else, hopefully another whole, healed, complete person. If we are looking for someone to complete ourselves we are not giving of our best and we are landing them with a heavy responsibility!

We all have preferences and many folk have a wish list describing the person they would like as a partner. The more prescriptive this is the less likely we are to find what we think we are looking for. Fortunately there is not just one person out there who we could come to love, but a wide range of people, who with an open mind we can relate to well and may prove to be the answer to our prayers.

So, what of prayers?  What about God’s plan?  The Bible tells us in 2 Corinthians 6v14 not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers: it doesn’t say in marriage but the implication is that this is about relationship. Our desire to meet another Christian to be in relationship with, was probably what caused us to choose Friends1st, rather than other groups, it certainly was with me! Friends1st will regularly send us a number of profiles and encourages us to contact many of them and not rule out a possible partner too early. They encourage this because experience has shown that the more open minded and open hearted people are the more likely they are to meet someone and learn to love them. There may well be compromises along the way: our man who we imagined with a full head of hair maybe balding, our lady with an hour glass figure, may be described better as cuddly, but if our relationship is based sincerely on a shared faith and love of God we will have the most important thing in common as well as a desire to love and to do good to each other, for the Glory of God.

In the mean time we know that healthy, active, positive people are more attractive. So live life well and enjoy each day as it comes and think carefully about looking for your other half!


Being Single

I’ve really struggled with using the word single

About me!

It felt like saying – incomplete, lonely, rejected,

But it needn’t be.

It’s not like with tennis

Because for singles

You need two.

With cream, it means – thin,

Not easily whipped up,

Well, that’s not always true!

It’s only one, not double,

Not a multiple of anything.

Valid only for one way.

With no return,

But, it needn’t be alone.

It means unmarried,

But not friendless.

Often purposeful

As in single-minded.

Sometimes orderly

As in single file.

It can be hard going,

As in single parent,

But, it needn’t be alone.

It could be without help,

As in single handed,

But it needn’t be.

It could be associated with others

As in single market,

Or shared between many,

Intended to make life easier

As in single currency.

Sometimes designed just for one

Giving private space

Like in single room.

I’ve looked in my dictionary

And studied it carefully,

And nowhere does it say

That single is alone,

Just individual

And special