Pride: the enemy of love
‘Dear HopefulGirl,’ said the letter. ‘I’ve dabbled with Christian dating services and singles events, but I find it all rather demeaning – like wearing a sign saying I’m desperate.’
After recovering from the breakdown of a long engagement, I was excited about giving the Christian dating scene a go. When I’d last been single, internet dating had barely existed. Now, the girls at work gossiped about it all day long, two married couples at my church had met at Christian speed dating events, and I was curious to see what all the fuss was about. Yet there was still a bit of me that, like the letter writer, was slightly embarrassed by the whole thing. I only told my closest friends what I was doing, and I swore them to secrecy.
But where did my reticence come from? After some prayerful soul-searching, I realised it was good, old-fashioned pride. I didn’t want to admit that I hankered after a relationship. I didn’t want to appear desperate. I didn’t want anyone to think I cared that much about finding a man.
But the truth is, I DID care! I wasn’t unhappy as a single person, but I knew that ultimately, I’d be happier with a good Christian husband by my side. And really, what could be more natural than that?
According to Laura Doyle, author of The Surrendered Single, the first step to finding love is fully embracing our wish to meet and marry the right partner. Denying our heart’s desire – to others, and by extension, to ourselves – will prevent us from really searching for, and finding, the love we crave. ‘There’s no one decent out there anyway, so what’s the point in trying?’ we tell ourselves.
There’s nothing undignified about the desire to love and be loved – it’s what we’re designed for. Once I accepted that, I started telling everyone about my dating adventures – people at work, at church, at the bus stop… And did anyone look down on me for it? Of course they didn’t. In fact, they usually wanted to fix me up with someone!
Friends, if you’ve found yourself playing down your desire to meet a partner, now is the time to fully and unashamedly embrace it. The path to love doesn’t always run smoothly, but let’s not allow pride to be the stumbling block that prevents us from finding the companionship and intimacy we long for.