Heather and Dave
Letting God change your mindset
The Story of Heather and Dave
When I started dating, I had a very clear set of Christian dating criteria that a man had to tick all the boxes for. I had met a few guys over the last couple of years and never wanted to see them twice. My friends encouraged me to keep meeting people, but each time I met someone and it didn’t go anywhere, I would crawl back to my cave to lick my wounds before having the courage to have another go. It was different this time round through Friends1st.
The first meeting with Dave was relaxed and easy – but no fireworks! When I thought about it afterwards, I realised he didn’t actually fit my ‘Christian dating criteria’!
Over the next couple of weeks I prayed a lot about Dave – God seemed to lead me on a journey about how, in the past, I had had a disastrous marriage to someone who did fit my‘Christian dating criteria’ and that may be it was my ‘Christian dating criteria’ that was at fault. I began to look seriously at my ‘Christian dating criteria’ and what I had learnt about what I needed as a person to feel loved, valued and cared for. The two did not match! So maybe I would see Dave again.
I had read a book a number of years before called ‘Safe People’ by ‘Cloud and Townsend’ and felt moved to read it again. It really challenged me to look at a picture of what a healthy relationship could look like. I began to realize that Dave had many qualities that I valued highly: he was fun, loving and caring about others, and most particularly, he wasn’t afraid to look inside and talk about deep issues. Nothing like my ‘picture’ at all!
Our journey together was a mixture of fun, new experiences, being able to talk about the past and how the past had impacted on each of us today. Each of us have had to change in many different ways while we learnt how to relate to each other in a much healthier way than in our previous relationships.
Our wedding day was very special, full of laughter, fun and a few tears! A day neither of us thought we would ever experience…….. and full of loads of wonderful memories and photos.
We have been married now for many years and are both still enjoying learning more about each other, adjusting to a different way of living, still having fun and still talking about those deep issues – a journey I hope we will stay on the whole of our married lives.
I am so glad I allowed God to re-paint that ‘Christian dating criteria’ I had, even though sometimes it really challenged me, otherwise I would not be in such a happy and contented place.
Love you , Dave – what a journey we are on!
Why not give it a go? You have nothing to loose! So said my friends and family about joining’ friends first’. Apart from a couple of reasonably serious relationships I had been on my own for eleven years after being divorced from my wife of 23 years. I wasn’t in a good place with low self-esteem and carrying a lot of baggage from previous mistakes and I didn’t want to get hurt again or hurt someone else.
After numerous e-mails and phone call came the day I was to meet Heather for the first time, scary, unsure a whole gamut of feelings on that cold May day in 2008. We met had lunch talked non-stop but it wasn’t love at first sight, no cupid arrow struck our hearts, but we did agree to meet again leaving it with Heather to contact me being the gentleman.
A second meeting is always going to be easier, we had met, not so nervous but what a date we had, an in depth discussion on what we expected from a relationship necessary for both of us with our previous history. After that we started our journey of discovering each other and ourselves, to find we had more in common than we first thought, but also we complimented each other in our weaknesses and strengths. Over a period of time our love grew deeper, enjoying being together and missing each other madly when we were apart, due to work commitments we had limited time to spend together but that made those times more precious!
On November 2nd we got engaged, what a day that was when she said yes I think it took at least a week to get our feet back on terrafirma! What a God who had brought us together and enabled us to be so in love that sometimes it seemed so overwhelming. So much led up to our great day in September , meeting her daughter for the first time[ did mean going to Australia] and granddaughter of a few weeks, organizing the day , with so many who wanted to be involved and share in this great day. What an amazing day we had, sunny, so many friends, an incredible sense of God’s presence throughout the day especially the service and not a dry eye!! The bride was late [not her fault], singing heavenly, vows so deep and loving and even applause from the congregation as we walked down the aisle as husband and wife.
The journey continues as we grow in our marriage, as we adjust, as we learn how to please each other and how to say sorry! So much to learn, but how exciting a journey this is going to be as we learn how to become one, giving ‘Him all the glory for great things he has done’!! How amazing to love and be loved for the rest of our days!
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