by Katharine Gray

In the Bible (Matthew 7:1) Jesus clearly instructs us not to judge others least we be judged ourselves. It’s a very hard command as it seems judging others is a fundamental human characteristic.

Within an organisation like friendsfirst – the problem about judging others (especially at the point of reading their profile and assessing whether to contact them or not) is that generally when we judge others (however superficially) it’s US that loses out the most. We all have our own criteria of what we think Mr or Mrs Perfect is going to be like but when we talk to our happily married friends, so few have found someone who fitted their list exactly.

The reason for this is because when we meet someone in the flesh, their character shines out of them and we find things in them that either attract (or repel) us – things that are almost unquantifable and certainly difficult to put down in writing. [Does your profile really capture the true and total essence of who you are? No of course not – however good it is.]

Here’s an example of how judging someone might affect you.

You want someone who share your loves of dancing and sport in general. You read John’s profile and he says he likes gardening. Moreover there’s nothing in his profile to indicate he shares any of your interests. Worse, he says he likes going to the theatre and this is something you’re not interested in at all. ‘Oh dear’ you think – he’s not suitable for me!

Now you’ve judged him – decided not to make contact with him – and you’ll never know if he could have made a really good friend – let alone anything more.

Now imagine you hadn’t judged John but got in touch with him and you made friends. As friends, you introduce him to dancing – something he’d never done before – but he loves it and becomes as keen as you. Now you share a really important interest. You also discover that although he put going to the theatre as one of his interests, he rarely goes and it’s not a major part of his life. Until you became friends, you’d have never discovered this.

Perhaps that’s why Jesus tells us not to judge people because we generally make bad judgements about others – not knowing all the facts!

There are countless stories of couples who’ve nearly not met because one or other of them made a (wrong) judgement about the other. Click here to read about Ian and Rachel – who nearly missed each other because Rachel would not have contacted Ian because he was a smoker.

So next time you look at someone’s profile, bear these thoughts in mind. Judge other’s profiles at your peril. Judge them and YOU may well miss out on the relationship that was perfect for you. And most importantly don’t think this article applies to everyone else but you – don’t think YOUR judgements are different – they are likely to be as wrong as everyone else’s – especially the people who read your profile and don’t think you are worth contacting. How wrong they were!

How to be the One

Serious about relationships - then this book is for you!How to be the one book

“Thank you for your encouragement yesterday when we spoken on the phone. I’m very happy with my profile. Many thanks for your help.”

(Pam 63 widowed Residential Care Home)

* I thought it was a great way to meet people 10/10


“Just thought I’d let you know I’m going out with the very first person to get in touch with me! We emailed, phoned and later met up and immediately felt […]

(Aline, Teacher of English as a foreign language)

Thank you for doing such a great job – I’m so grateful that something like friendsfirst exists. I hope and trust that God is holding and keeping and blessing you […]

(Julie, PA)

How to be the One

Serious about relationships - then this book is for you!How to be the one book