couple with their heads in their hands showing they are not ready for a relationship

Ready for a relationship – Signs You Are Not Ready For a Relationship

All of us put out vibes, whether they’re subtle or in your face. Other people can ‘suss us out’ and discern more about our motivations than we realise. Some of us are advertising to the world that we simply are not ready for a relationship. Could this be you? We hope not but just in case, check out some of the signs that people who are not ready give out.

This might be why you’re single

Guest Article – by Kris Gage

You are too busy rehashing a previous relationship


You’re still fully invested in someone who is long gone. It’s hard to get on the right path when you’re hell bent on not getting over it.

You’re too busy being miserable

We all know a negative attitude when we come across one, and a deep-seated animosity towards the human race lays the groundwork for scores of people to chase us down and beg us to be in a relationship. I don’t think so!

You’re too anxious and impatient

“If I don’t get married by the time I’m 30 I may as well give up now. Slow down. Nothing says “Back off” quicker than, “I can’t go another day without being in a relationship.”

You’re too picky

I’m picky. But there IS such a thing as being too picky. Especially when you’ve barely got enough wiggle room to be calling the shots. You get no kudos or sympathy if you’re oblivious to making people run your obstacle course that’s designed to make them fail against your overblown expectations.

You’re far from optimistic

“Woe is me. I’m never going to find someone. I’m nothing in this world without a partner. I’m nothing anyway. I guess that’s just how it is.” Perhaps repeating this mantra to yourself serves a purpose: to keep you from reaching your relationship goals. If you can’t see the finish line, why run the race?

You don’t trust anyone, including yourself

“I was messed up by previous relationships so many times I can’t see straight. People are out to get me. As soon as I let my guard down I’m going to get messed with again.” Being able to trust people is integral to being in a relationship. Trusting yourself to trust other people is non-negotiable.

You don’t know how to have fun

Sulking, groochy wallflower? Or maybe you fly off the handle at the smallest thing. Being too serious and tightly wound is a turn off. Smile and laugh. It works wonders.

You make excuses

“Who’s going to want me? I don’t have the perfect body, I’m not smart or pretty enough, I have spots and ugly feet…” You are good enough. You have to believe it before they will.

You don’t want to be happy

Some people get off on being miserable. They find the darkest corner of the room, mosey on over, cry crocodile tears and eat crow because that’s all they’ve ever known. If you don’t want to be happy, you do your best to ensure happiness never happens.

You hate being alone

Crying yourself to sleep every night and praying to God to send someone to save you from yourself brings about hopelessness. Being alone or being in a relationship should be workable and OK for you, always.

You were burned. Really badly.

You were cheated on. To your face. In front of everyone. And they knew about it the whole time. You were the last to find out. The pain is still raw and fresh, like skinned knees bubbling under hydrogen peroxide. You need another relationship right now like you need a broken leg.

You’re not ready to admit you’re not ready for a relationship

“But I AM ready! I’ve been doing everything they’ve told me I should be doing!” Except being 100% honest that I’m not ready for a relationship because I’m guilty of doing one or more of the things on this list.

You don’t like the person you’re dating

This may be the only palatable, justifiable reason on the list.

“I don’t want a relationship with YOU.”

This is permissible and understandable. Just make sure you’re not leading them on.

You want more than what most people can give

You want the fairy tale. You want to be rescued and carried away from the burning flames of relationship hell. You want the perfect guy to write your name in the sky and give you gold bars etched with “I love you” next to your picture.  Hint: that sickening, whimsical, head in the clouds romance novel stuff isn’t real. It doesn’t exist. Down to earth is the way to go.

You’re not in the right frame of mind

“If I can just be in a relationship everything else in my life will fall effortlessly together. I’ll have everything I want and life will finally be amazing.”

It’s actually the other way around. Get in the right frame of mind first and that amazing relationship will find you in no time.


I’m guilty of most of these things. Pretty sure they had something to do with me remaining single for 11 years. The jury’s still out on that one.

You can keep focusing on finding a relationship instead of fixing your issues, like I did. Secretly hoping, wishing, and willing that to be the cure to all that ails you.

It’s not. It won’t.

It’s OK to not be ready for a relationship. This might have been a wake-up call to you that you’re not. Congratulations on your new found self-awareness! If it’s the case, then realise that it’s time to focus on some attitude adjustments that will put you on the path to ready.