T is for thought

The A to Z of Christian Dating

 T is for Thoughts

Pretty much like everything in life, how you think affects so much else in your life. And it’s definitely true in dating which is why T is for thoughts.

It’s because of the chain reaction that thinking sets off.

Pretty much everything we do starts in our heads.

It’s why that verse in the bible in Romans “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind…” is so important.  (Romans12:2) Because the way you think affects everything else.

You see how you think affects the way you FEEL.

And how you FEEL affects what actions you then take. Your actions determine to a large extent what happens in your life, which is directly related to the RESULTS you get.

Let’s take an example that is not from dating.

Imagine you are going for a job interview. You’ve applied for the job because you don’t like your current boss and you hate the commute. You are delighted (and rather surprised) when you are asked for interview. Surprised because you don’t really feel 100% qualified to do every aspect of the new job. In fact, you begin to feel a bit of a fraud going to the interview and you begin to really doubt that you could do the job…. And you probably won’t fit in… and you may not like the other people who work there… and they probably won’t like you… and perhaps the old job isn’t so bad after all.

Basically, you have lots of negative thoughts going around in your head as you turn up to the interview. By the time you arrive you are feeling really unconfident and like you are wasting everyone’s time.

So, what happens? You completely mess up the interview. You can’t answer half the questions (possibly because you didn’t prepare every well because you thought you wouldn’t get the job anyway) and those you can answer, you do very unconfidently. You just don’t come across well and you leave feeling very despondent. And there’s no surprise when you don’t get the job. Basically, your negative thoughts gave you lots of negative feelings which led you to act in a way that did you no favours and certainly gave you the result you got!

Now I know this is a negative scenario, but it happens all the time. Our thoughts are so important, it’s why Jesus said that if a man looks lustily at a woman, he’s already committed adultery (Matthew 5:28) because he knows the truth that our thoughts determine our actions.

So, examine your thoughts about the whole dating process.

What are your thoughts about yourself? Are they good or bad? What are your thoughts about the people you could be dating? Are they good or bad? (All men are….” Every woman I meet is….)

What are your thoughts about the whole process of going out and trying to find someone? Are you excited or down hearted about it all. There’s no judgement here but the way you think about dating will affect the way you feel. And the way you feel with affect your actions and the results you get.

I’m pretty sure if you are excited (or enthusiastic) about dating you’ll be coming across as interesting, interested and worth spending time with. If you’re downhearted or fed up with the process, you’ll be giving off an air of despondency – and that certainly isn’t a trait that is attractive to many people.

So…. if it is your desire to find a partner, then you have to get your thinking right in the first instance. Go back to that verse. Let your mind be renewed. Do whatever it takes (and you might need help here) to get your thought process right. Examine your thinking. Get it checked by a friend.

Because without the right thinking, you aren’t going to get the results you want. FACT!


Can you overthink dating?

You can definitely overthink dating – but the reality is most people probably don’t THINK hard enough about it. Yes you can think you want to be in a relationship. Yes you can think “Why aren’t I in a relationship?” and all sorts of other questions like that – but that’s not the THINKING I’m talking about here. The sort of thinking that is better is thinking about whether you have the right attitude to dating, thinking whether you are well prepared and ready emotionally to date someone else, thinking about whether you are feeling positive or negative in general, and if negative, what you can do about that.  There’s a lot of thinking to be done if you want to date successfully and you may find our A-Z of Christian dating series helpful in that regard.

It’s definitely worth spending some time before you join lots of dating sites, thinking about who you are, what you have to offer, what you are looking for from a relationship and how you are going to put that across to people. This is the sort of thinking that will stand you in good stead for your dating future.