The Q & A is rather different this month. This is an email received by one of our female members (who’ll remain anonymous) and it’s included here to show you how devastating it is when someone makes the effort to contact you and you don’t contact them back. Please read and take it on board.

Dear Friends1st,

Can you please explain to me why none of the members I am given to contact, and do so, with much care, consideration and politeness, never respond?  I have never even had a polite ‘thank you but no thank you’. 

I have come through a lot in life, and put up with much.

I have always put others first before myself.  I have never complained; I have always been grateful for all that I have and all I can give.  I don’t hold grudges and I am polite.  

However, being a member of Friends1st should be a pleasant experience; not something which breaks someone’s resolve, spirit, and is simply depressing.

There has been so many problems with this that I am totally dismayed, confused and more than disheartened.  I cannot even put into words the dread of each day and receiving nothing..the dread now of even receiving another batch of profiles where I have come to expect nothing but disappointment in my attempts.

In my despair and tearfulness (and I am not prone to outbreaks of feelings for myself), friends even asked me if the members were actually ‘real’.  They cannot understand, as I cannot, why there is such discourtesy amongst a Christian group of men.  They read my correspondence to your members (though of course I didn’t disclose their identity, as is proper and considerate), and they cannot understand the ignorance in the lack of reply with an acknowledgement of even a polite ’thank you but no thank you’ to me.

I am really not enjoying being a member of Friends1st, and know that any decent person would understand what it is like to go to the effort of responding to a member, only to receive NOTHING in return.  This lack of cordiality in your members is hurtful and wrongful to another human being.  It is not my responsibility that such ignorance exists.  How can anyone allow such harm to another’s feelings to continue through such ignorance and disgrace as I have suffered?  It is not the Christian way to be ignorant in this way to another human being.

Would someone please ensure that others are not hurt as I am, and would someone please, please help put right the hurt I am suffering as a result of your members.

With regards, 

Female member


Sarah says………

Whether you are a man or woman not replying to someone has a real impact. You may think it’s OK not to respond but this is the effect you have on others when you don’t respond.  At the very least have the courtesy to drop someone a note – even if it’s to say ‘Thanks but no thanks’ and if you really can’t face doing that, then please ask us to do it on your behalf. We do our utmost to support our members, but if you, our members, behave in ways that upset and destroy other members, it really says very little of us all as Christian community.