Why is Christian Dating so hard?
Many single Christians ask me “Why is Christian Dating So Hard?” and when I question what they mean when they ask that, it generally transpires that they themselves have been searching for their soul mate and not finding them! So they’re still single and wanting not to be.
The people who ask “Why is Christian Dating so hard?” have often tried on-line dating – without any success and maybe have even joined a more personal introduction agency. They’ve certainly been looking round their own church to see if they can find a suitable mate there – and found nothing.
Why is christian dating so hard? They’ve almost certainly been praying about it – and probably thinking that God isn’t answering their prayers! They certainly don’t consider that they might not have been listening very well!
You see when I question them more closely, most of them have a very defined view of what the person they want to meet/marry is going to look like. And when you look at their description in detail, it’s hard to imagine anyone as perfect as what they’re describing. And perhaps that is why Christian dating is so hard because Christians are looking for the impossible.
Now don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that if you lower your standards you’ll suddenly find it really easy to meet other single Christians but what we find here at friends1st is that those people who are willing to open up their thoughts about the type of person they want to meet, and who are willing to consider that God might well bring someone into their lives who is different to the person they’ve been praying for, are the people who meet lots of other single Christians and often go onto find the man or woman of their dreams.
It’s all about opening yourself up to all sorts of possibilities and seeing where God leads.
The problem is it’s really hard to get rid of our pre-conceived notions of what we’re looking for. We really believe what we want is going to be best for us. We don’t really trust God that what he provides for us will be far better than what we imagine. It’s the testimony of the hundreds of people who’ve got married through us that they’ve married someone different to whom they thought they’d marry but that this person is just perfect for them. They can look back and see how God has worked in their lives – looking back is easy. It’s trusting God and looking forwards that’s hard.
Another reason why is Christian dating so hard is because there are lots of organisations ‘out there’ who are purporting to help Christians find other Christians, when really they are wolves in sheep’s clothing. I’m talking about so called Christian Dating sites, which are nothing more that ‘white label’ sites that have a front door that looks Christian, but then mixes members up with non Christians from all sort of other non Christian sites. So as an unsuspecting Christian, you join and then can’t find any Christians to meet. No surprise then that Christian Dating in this arena is hard.
And my final thought on why is Christian dating so hard is that churches aren’t supporting people on their own very well – and certainly not supporting those over 40 years of age, or those who’ve been married before. This is a real problem as we see more and more singles in our society and of course therefore more and more single Christians.
The bottom line to those of you asking the question “Why is Christian Dating so hard?” is to stop focusing on the hard bit, focus on the positives – like listening to what God has planned for your life, being open to who He wants to bring into your life, and keeping going looking for that person. There are plenty of lovely single Christians around (I say that with confidence as many are our members) and with the right attitude and the right perseverance you’ll find yourself a soul mate.