Writing a letter that gets a great response

by | Sep 15, 2016 | Making the most of dating membership, Successful membership tips, Tips for Christian dating | 0 comments


How to get a response to a letter you write to someone else

Now I’m in danger here of attempting to teach you to suck eggs – so please forgive me if that’s how you feel on reading this article. It’s not my intent – which is to truly assist members in their contact with each other.

The reason for this article is that occasionally we are sent emails by mistake that come to us when they should have gone directly to another member – or a letter is sent to us to review – and very often I’m surprised at the lack of effort that’s gone into the letter and not surprised when we learn that the response isn’t very good.

So if you’re writing or emailing other members and not getting the response you hope for, chances are your missive isn’t hitting the mark. If that’s the case then I hope this will help.

Writing a letter or email to a stranger is no easy task for any of us – and even if you’ve got some knowledge of them from their profile, you still need to put some effort into writing to them.  Sending a two line letter just saying you’ve had their profile probably isn’t going to motivate the reader to reply to you.

Think about the impression you want your letter to create. A really good letter which makes the other person smile is worth its weight in gold. Remember that your letter may also be the only nice thing that the person gets all day or week and that can have a huge impact.

Everyone likes other people to be interested in them, so it is probably best to mention the things in their profile (or if they’ve written to you first, then the things in their letter) that have particularly caught your attention – you can refer to the notes you’ve made as you read their profile the first time. You might want to say why they have caught your attention and demonstrate some genuine enthusiasm about them.  This is going to take time and effort – but it’s your future you’re investing in so it’s worth it.

Treat every person as an individual – you are very unlikely to get a positive response to your letter if you have photocopied a standard letter and simply fill in people’s names and send it off to them. It will make the recipient feel that you are not really interested in them at all, and will be quite a self-defeating exercise. It is also guaranteed to get NO response!

Demonstrating that you share particular interests, points of view, or beliefs is a great way to establish some common ground and that will attract the reader.

Although you want to tell the reader a bit about yourself, don’t go on endlessly. Do give something of yourself away – and don’t necessarily just repeat what’s in your profile. Since the person you are writing to won’t necessarily have had your profile, you might consider photocopying it and including it in your letter and then adding to it – perhaps enhancing some of the things you’re interested in, or adding other things which tell the reader a bit more about the real you. For example, if you have a sense of humour, try and demonstrate it rather than just stating it as a fact. If you like theatre, give a description of the types of theatre you like and why you like them.  A description of yourself as tall, average weight, with brown hair and blue eyes is all very well but it doesn’t really tell the reader who you are as a person and that is ultimately what good friendships are about – getting to know the real you.

Above all, be honest – don’t try to be someone you’re not. It won’t work for very long – you’ll soon be found out and you will definitely lose any chances you had of making a good lasting friendship. Dishonesty only leads ultimately to pain, heartache, disappointment and rejection. Allow people to get to know the real you and like you for it.

End your letter with a good reason for the other person to contact you back. It may be that you ask them for more information about something in their profile or letter that has interested you, or you raise a topic for discussion.

Close your letter with good wishes to the other person. A closing statement which wishes the person well whether or not they respond to your letter, speaks volumes about you. It may be the one thing that will generate a response from them!

Finally consider your letter before you send it. Ask yourself if you would be interested enough to reply to it, if it had been sent to you. If you are not getting responses to your letters, reconsider how you might be coming across to people and try a different approach.

So that’s the theory – now here’s an example based on writing to a member (Gillian) whose profile reads as follows:

Gillian was born overseas, the eldest of 3 siblings. Apart from life abroad as a young child, she has lived mostly in the south east of England. She studied Geography at University and worked mainly in publishing sales, Gillian currently works as a Secondary School Learning Support Assistant. After marriage and her first child she stopped work, and moved out of London. She has 3 children-teens and twenties-and is a widow.

Gillian is an Evangelical and is committed to her C/E church. Her faith is extremely important to her, she loves God, and enjoys spending time with Him every day, and is eager to develop her relationship with Him.

Gillian describes herself as being fun but feisty, warm, enthusiastic and thoughtful. Her friends would add that she is kind, compassionate, and whole hearted whether sharing the gospel through Alphas, or at work encouraging and nurturing children. Although strong in adversity, Gillian loves to laugh at quirkiness and sees the funny side of life. She believes in ‘holding on to life lightly’, knowing her relationship with God and others is the most valuable, and that life is a blessing!

Gillian loves being in the countryside and by the sea, walking with her dog. Her hobbies include reading voraciously, fiction and Christian books, and keeping fit by swimming. Gillian is most relaxed in the company of friends, both small close groups and large social networks. Until recently she has sung in various choirs and likes to listen to all types of music. She is also a confident public speaker. She admits to having ‘itchy feet’ in terms of more travelling.

Gillian would like to meet someone who has a generous spirit, is kind, fun to be with and optimistic; someone with a love of life, the outdoors and nature, who enjoys intellectual stimulation & challenge.

Hi {Christian name} I’ve just received your profile from friendsfirst and thought I’d drop you a quick email to say Hello. I trust you’ll receive this at home and not at work!

You don’t say in your profile which country you were born in – I wonder if it’s one of the ones I’ve visited as I have travelled extensively and lived abroad for a few years of my live.

Your profile stood out because of what you said about being feisty, enthusiastic, fun and very involved in your church in Alphas. I know we’re not meant to have a ‘dream list’ but those qualities are certainly on mine. I’ve run a few Alphas myself and have always found them inspiriing and a source of growth for my fiath as one sees what God is doing in other people’s lives.

I love the picture of you and your dog. He looks so sweet. I’ve attached a picture of me out walking with a friend and their dog. Although I’m a signed up member of the long distance walking club I also love short walks by the sea – my favourite is the Seven Sister walks in Sussex which I’d highly recvommend if you’ve never theen there.

{Christian name} I know you’ve received my profile but just in case you missed the salient details – I’m from {your location/town}, I’m in my  {your age bracket} and currenty working as {your occupation}. I describe myself as chatty, sociable, caring and outgoing and I think we might have quite a bit in common – certainly enough to ensure we didn’t run out of conversation if we chatted over the phone or met.

It’d be great to hear from you

Best wishes

{Your Name}

P.S  How many languages do you speak? Do you also speak Italian – which is the only other language I can get by in.

Use the above example as a template for your own contact with other members and see if the response you get is better as a result.